History and Practice of Mediation
A Long-range View of Common Interests & Restoration of Relationships
The History and Practice of Mediation
The practice of Mediation has a history dating from ancient times, in Babylon and in Ancient Greece and Rome, and there are certain defining characteristics of Mediation that are still practiced today.
Both parties will agree to participate voluntarily, in good faith.
The Mediator is simply a neutral third party. All decisions are made by the parties, themselves.
Any resolution that is reached will be perceived by each of the parties to be fair to them both.
All aspects of a Mediation process are always -- by law -- completely Confidential
A Respectful and Straightforward Dialogue
The role of the Mediator is simply to facilitate a brief, straightforward dialogue between the two parties, to help identify exactly what is at issue and to recognize their shared interests, so that some fair settlement can be proposed and agreed upon that would be better than their reaching no resolution at all, or having to take the matter up in a public court, for a Judge or a Jury to decide.
All aspects of the Mediation are always kept confidential, unless both parties agree in writing that any settlement agreement they reach will be made public.
The Do-It-Yourself Option
In some situations, in remote locations, where there is no neutral third party available, the parties can elect to enter into a straightforward and respectful dialogue themselves – following the basic guidelines described here – with the purpose of identifying what each person perceives to be the source of the conflict, by making statements in turn.
A stop-watch or an egg-timer can be used in place of the "neutral third party" to be sure that each person has the opportunity to speak without interruption for a given length of time, and that each separate issue that is raised can be addressed one by one. Once this has been accomplished, each of the parties then proposes possible solutions to consider.
In his best-selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey describes a “paradigm shift” that will change the way one approaches hard realities:
(1) Be Proactive
(2) Begin with the End in Mind
(3) Put First Things First
(4) Think Win/Win
(5) Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.
(6) Synergize
(7) Sharpen the Saw
Mr. Covey's advice to take responsibility for one's choices, to visualize a good outcome and to set short-term objectives toward long-term goals, leads him right to the heart of any Mediation process, where mutually beneficial solutions are always sought.
In his section on habit # 4, he describes the state of mind conducive to finding a Win/Win outcome:
“First, see the problem from the other point of view. ... Second, identify key issues and concerns involved. Third, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution. Fourth, identify possible new options to achieve those results.” (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, p. 233).
In situations where the each of the parties already believes that it is in their personal interest to sustain their relationship over time, this willingness to seek a mutually satisfying solution has a creative energy of its own, allowing for thoughtful and imaginative suggestions for putting the matter to rest.
Once the Mediation process has been observed and experienced, the principles and techniques involved can be employed at any time, in just about any sort of circumstances, as a valuable tool for preventing conflicts from arising, as well as a tool for restoring continuous relationships, enhancing the lives of those who are willing to give it an honest try.
Sources and Suggestions for Additional Reading:
Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, (Free Press; 2004).
Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro, Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate (Viking, 2005).
Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, and Roger Fisher, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most (Penguin, 1st Edition, 2000).
Roger Fisher, William L. Ury Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, (Houghton Mifflin; 2nd edition, 1992).
